A Story From Rayanne Coy

Here’s a great homework story from Rayanne Coy, a personal coach, and friend of mine. She can be found at: www.rayannecoy.com

Here’s one that came up yesterday that may hit home with you. The answer for me was to just stay calm, but of course I couldn’t resist the natural reflex to get involved and say too much!

Story: I walk into our home after being out. It’s after 8:00 p.m. so it’s late. I see my 11 year old son working diligently at the kitchen table. I feel the energy in the room which is stiff, stressful, discouraged and tired. I can tell that my child has been struggling with his math homework.

I’m not sure what happened exactly, but I must have invaded his space and jumped into what he was doing too quickly. He resisted my help and left the room to lay on the couch in the adjoining room. There I was — just me and his homework. I asked “how can I help you” and I got a grunt and some emotion around homework and school being hard. I sat down and tried to figure out the answer to the problem. He checked out further.

I saw that we were going nowhere and let him know that I was there for him when he was ready. I sensed that a battle had been lost earlier between my son and my husband.

The biggest thing that I learned from this was to stay calm, slow to respond and almost curious and on the sidelines when you are entering into a situation where your gut tells you there is struggle. I wished that I would have let my son take the lead and acknowledged him for what he was already doing well — focusing!¬†This morning, I apologized and gave him a hug letting him know that I loved him just the way that he is and that I believe in him! This felt good for both of us!!

How difficult it is to remember that it’s HIS homework, his learning and to not take responsibility FOR him/his homework, but to be responsible TO him for how I behave! How do you handle these situations? What brings you to a place of calm when you’re really feeling a bit anxious about how homework is getting done or not getting done?